My best bud's unintentional coming out

So Grindr has been in existence for quite a while now but I've been living under a rock as well. I installed the application just recently,  and got addicted instantly. Grindr is like a real, tangible gaydar, or as we call it in the medical field, an ancillary procedure that  aids us in confirming what our clinical eye is telling us. I've been hanging out in coffee shops a lot lately to review for the board exams. Being situated in Manila's gay district, any hot or metrosexual guy tinkling with his phone would call for a gaydar check. A few clicks and boom! Someone's just 20 meters away. Well, I don't have any intention of introducing myself to these guys (my profile does not have a face picture and my name is just suggestive of my career) and end up hooking up with them. It's just fun when you find out what they are hiding and there's a fulfillment when you realize that your gaydar is somehow accurate.

FYI, I haven't met anyone personally from this app... well... except for this guy....

One rainy afternoon, while I was studying in a coffee shop, a hot guy came in (Ok, this is not the guy that I met, wish ko lang). So I turned on my portable tangible gaydar, but no one is nearby. Negative. So either this guy is not online, not a Grindr user, or he's just straight. But before I turned it off, there's that small red dot in one of the profiles, meaning, I got a message. It's a nameless, faceless, wordless profile some 500 meters away from me. So he's probably not in the coffee shop. I read the message anyway. He said, "Let's fuck." Thinking that this might be one of those randy airheads, I just ignored the message.

For the following days, I came back to the coffee shop to study and as hot guys came in, I turn on my Grindr. But instead of getting positive results, I get messages from the same nameless profile which I don't reply to. "Hey" "Yo" "What's your number?" "Anong height mo?" Persistent si kuya.

One day, while I was at home studying, I got tired of reading and went online. Nameless profile messaged me again and said, "Sex?" Hmmmm. I got so curious of who this guy is. So I replied, "Got pic?" There was a lag while the picture was downloading so while waiting, I was thinking, "Siguro  mukha tong tambay na malibog." A few seconds later, I was shocked.

"Keith, would it be awkward if I'll tell you that I've known you for a long time?" I told him. "Who are you?" He replied. "It's me, Basti."....

I've known Keith since high school. We somehow look like each other, and act similarly. Silent, gentle and studious. We became classmates in our senior year when he got promoted to the first section. We were really not that close but somehow, we had more interaction with each other when we became classmates.One time, in a boy scout camping, he forgot to bring a blanket. We were in a mountain then in the middle of January, so night temperatures are really low so I willingly shared my blanket with him.... Okay, I kindda have some itsy bitsy crush on him. Nothing happened under the shared blanket, okay.

After senior year, we went to the same UP campus and took different courses in neighboring colleges, so we see each other a lot. I was hoping that we could be roomies, but since he's on a tight budget, he chose a cheaper dormitory. My feelings for him was still there, but didn't flourish since I know that hanggang friends lang kami. And besides, though I find his orientation questionable, he was courting a girl in high school (typical falling-in-love-with-best-bud dilemma). College went by swiftly. Serena (my other college bestfriend mentioned in one of my posts), Keith and I became closer. Unfortunately, Keith failed in some of his subjects and was not able to graduate on time (And being good, supportive friends that we are, Serena and I bullied him for being an irregular student.).

After college, we pursued different paths. Serena worked as a nurse, Keith eventually graduated from college, while I went to medical school. Keith then redeemed himself by topping his licensure exam (yes, number one, which I am very proud of) and got a high-paying job. We became busy with our chosen paths but still managed to see each other when time permits us. The last time I saw Keith was at the start of my internship at PGH. It was his sort of post-birthday treat. After that,  I never saw him again.

Back to the present...
Keith was so embarrassed. To make him feel better, I told him the typical comforting phrases... that's normal...there's nothing to be ashamed of...yaddah yaddah... I told him about my closet life and my past love life, and eventually, he asked me out. It was 9:30 of a rainy morning. He asked me to meet him in a coffee shop at exactly 11 am. Normally, I wouldn't raise a finger to dress up and would just make an excuse why I can't come. But it was Keith! I quickly took a bath and chose a date outfit... button-down polo, brown belt, brown boat shoes, brown leather bag.

He was ordering a cup of coffee when I arrived. He was wearing a polo shirt, brown pants and a pair of thong slippers and was carrying an ordinary back pack. I instantly thought, okay, this is not the date that I am thinking of. We sat in a corner, and he started talking about his life at present, his frustrations with his career and his frustrations with a guy classmate since college. Keith is in a phase where he feels like he's losing his youth, with his parents sick and his siblings going to college, most of his earnings go to his family and little is left for him to enjoy. That's why he wanted to break free sometimes and try new things.

After having coffee, Keith told me that he's glad that he could now tell all of these things to a friend. For him,  I am still Basti, his old high school and college bud, who now, can be trusted with his other secrets. Friend zoned. Period.

As for me, now that I know where Keith stands, I dunno, but my feelings for him kindda went back to life. But what scares me is that when I let him know what I feel, and he doesn't feel the same, it might just create an atmosphere of awkwardness between us and compromise our friendship.


P.S.
I used to tell Harry that he had a lot in common with my high school crush which made me fall in love with him. I was referring to Keith.