Another Ghost from the Past

The room assignments for the board exams are out. 

All takers who registered for this year's licensure exam are arranged alphabetically according to their family names, distributed among 3 testing centers in Manila. With heart pounding (because the release of room assignments is basically telling you that the board exams are just 4 days away), I checked my name online. I was quite relieved when I found out that some of my friends (surnames starting in C and D) were assigned in the same floor and building. I wouldn't be that much of a loner during break time. As I went through the names of my classmates and friends, I came across a very familiar name, just 3 rooms away from mine. It was Adrian's.

Adrian is a graduate of a Catholic medical school under the Benedictine order and he was an intern from a private hospital in a posh district in San Juan. I dated him back then. Nothing happened between us, which is probably the reason why he never called back. He kindda made it clear that he's just after his ulterior motives (which is, in his own words, "play" with me).

So the day of the exams came, and I totally forgot about the chances of encountering Adrian again. Well, taking the board exams make you think of other more important stuff,  like PASSING the exam! Before the start of the first test, we were allowed to go to the bathroom. After taking a leak, I checked myself out on the mirror behind someone who is washing his face on the lavatory. When he raised his head, I noticed that he stared at me through the mirror. Well, it's probably normal to check out the person using the mirror behind you, so I just left, forgetting about the incident. 

Then, the second day of exams came, now, people are more relaxed and are more aware of the people around them. Since there is heavy traffic in front of the testing center because of the road construction, my friends and I were dropped off somewhere near and we went on foot for the rest of the way. While we were walking, we passed by the guy who checked me out through the mirror the day before. He's buying cigarette from a takatak boy. And that's when it hit me... Adrian was a smoker. Honestly, I forgot how he looked like, or I guess, he gained a little weight. I just ignored the idea of bumping into him. So what? It wouldn't affect how I would take the exams.

The second day went by like a breeze. While I waited for my friends along the corridor, there he was on the other end. We glanced at each other but I showed no signs of recognition or anything. I quickly turned to another angle pretending that it's one of those accidental glances you make with random people. Finally, my friends came and as we went down the stairs, I saw him in my peripheral vision, following us up to the parking lot. Fortunately, our sundo was early and we were picked up right away. Then, the second week of exams came. I dunno if it's me, or it's just him try to get near me all the time. CR breaks, lunch breaks, in between breaks... papampam much! 

On the last day of exams, I accompanied my friends to a nearby church. I sat on a bleacher at the back as I waited for my friends to say their prayers. I've forgotten how grand Catholic Churches are since I became a Protestant. The last time I went inside one was during my father's burial (because his other family is Catholic) and so I just spent the rest of my time looking around, appreciating the architecture of the all-steel, gothic-inspired church. What caught my attention is a guy praying intently, his head bowed down, eyes tightly shut, his hands almost hugging the crucifix hanging near the entrance of the church. I instantly recognized that he's Adrian. Pati ba naman dito? But slowly, my bitterness turned into compassion as I could see, he might be going through a desperate situation.

Heavy rain was pouring outside the church as Maring started to devastate the metro. Our sundo took a while to come as the streets start to flood. I decided to go out of the church to wait. As I stand under the shade of the church's entrance, a guy stood just a foot away in front of me. Seriously Adrian? There's like 30 square meters of space and you decided to stand in front of me? Like a reflex, I went away, opened my umbrella and just waited under the rain. And yeah, I realized, seriously? There's 30 square meters of space under the shade and I had to stay under the rain...drama much! I guess that sent him the signal that there's no way I'm initiating a conversation. Anyway, from my position, I get to observe him more. Seems like he had no umbrella and he's figuring out a way to get to a ride. Later on, I saw him take out his hanky, put it on his head and skipped in between the puddles of water. I watched him as he made his way out of the gate and fade away from my sight. 

I watched him take the wrath of the weather, as he took the wrath of my bitterness. But then, I also remember the image of a desperate guy hugging a crucifix. Was all that papampam a call for comfort? Perhaps he needs to hear from someone that he's not the only one who finds the exam difficult, or maybe listen to some words of encouragement. Would it have been better if I offered him a ride, or shared my umbrella until he got a ride, or at least I said something nice? I guess, I should have done that, but I was short sighted, overcame by an emotional turmoil from the past. Oh well, for now, he has to endure the wrath of Maring and the wrath of Basti. Anyway, jerks need a little bit of spanking from time to time. I just wish the best for both of us. 

photo from here