Christmas Greeting

It is the 25th of the month. For most people, the only significant event on the 25th of December is Christmas. For me and Harry, it used to be our monthsary. As I was going through my phonebook, sending personalized messages to my dearest friends, I came across his name. Dr. Harry Chan.
I promised him that I won't bother him again. But it's christmas. I guess that's an excuse. So I sent him a message. "Merry christmas harry!" A few minutes later he replied. "Merry christmas!" Then it seemed like my thumbs had a mind of their own. They began typing... "Glad you replied. Can't help but feel sad. It used to be merry christmas and happy monthsary. Anyway, I'm just starting to move on. I don't want to spoil your christmas. Enjoy your time with your family."
"Ok. Thanks," he replied
It was plain, straightforward and insincere. Harry still despises me. The Harry who used to put me in the center of his life now wants nothing but to put me out of his life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I was the one who broke up with Harry. But I am the one who is still in pain. As I placed myself in his shoe, I realized where I went wrong.
Everytime I look back, I remember lots of sweet and happy memories. Those times he left me surprises whenever I wake up, the fancy dates in Manila's uptown districts, the macaroons he kept in his pocket to take home to me because he wanted me to have a taste of one of the best macaroons, the time he secretly placed the diaphragm of his stethoscope to my stethoscope because I lost mine and the cheesecake hunting we used to do.
If Harry does look back, what would he remember? The time I said that sometimes, I simply don't care, the moment when I ignored him when he was crying on the floor, the time I just kept on playing a computer game while he was doing everything just to get my attention, the monthsaries that I kept on forgetting, the guessing game that he was so excited about but instead, I chose to sleep or that turning point in our relationship when I asked him to wait for me but after raising his hopes, I turned him down again.
Now, I understand him better. He was right. I am a spineless wimp who keeps on hurting him again and again.
I told myself that I'm moving on. But everytime I see my future, I only see Harry by my side. The person sitting next to the driver's seat holding my hand when I drive. The guy I'm cooking christmas dinner with. The face that I first see in the morning whenever I wake up. That old man I'll grow old with.
So now, another confusion begins...