My best bud's unintentional coming out

So Grindr has been in existence for quite a while now but I've been living under a rock as well. I installed the application just recently,  and got addicted instantly. Grindr is like a real, tangible gaydar, or as we call it in the medical field, an ancillary procedure that  aids us in confirming what our clinical eye is telling us. I've been hanging out in coffee shops a lot lately to review for the board exams. Being situated in Manila's gay district, any hot or metrosexual guy tinkling with his phone would call for a gaydar check. A few clicks and boom! Someone's just 20 meters away. Well, I don't have any intention of introducing myself to these guys (my profile does not have a face picture and my name is just suggestive of my career) and end up hooking up with them. It's just fun when you find out what they are hiding and there's a fulfillment when you realize that your gaydar is somehow accurate.

FYI, I haven't met anyone personally from this app... well... except for this guy....

One rainy afternoon, while I was studying in a coffee shop, a hot guy came in (Ok, this is not the guy that I met, wish ko lang). So I turned on my portable tangible gaydar, but no one is nearby. Negative. So either this guy is not online, not a Grindr user, or he's just straight. But before I turned it off, there's that small red dot in one of the profiles, meaning, I got a message. It's a nameless, faceless, wordless profile some 500 meters away from me. So he's probably not in the coffee shop. I read the message anyway. He said, "Let's fuck." Thinking that this might be one of those randy airheads, I just ignored the message.

For the following days, I came back to the coffee shop to study and as hot guys came in, I turn on my Grindr. But instead of getting positive results, I get messages from the same nameless profile which I don't reply to. "Hey" "Yo" "What's your number?" "Anong height mo?" Persistent si kuya.

One day, while I was at home studying, I got tired of reading and went online. Nameless profile messaged me again and said, "Sex?" Hmmmm. I got so curious of who this guy is. So I replied, "Got pic?" There was a lag while the picture was downloading so while waiting, I was thinking, "Siguro  mukha tong tambay na malibog." A few seconds later, I was shocked.

"Keith, would it be awkward if I'll tell you that I've known you for a long time?" I told him. "Who are you?" He replied. "It's me, Basti."....

I've known Keith since high school. We somehow look like each other, and act similarly. Silent, gentle and studious. We became classmates in our senior year when he got promoted to the first section. We were really not that close but somehow, we had more interaction with each other when we became classmates.One time, in a boy scout camping, he forgot to bring a blanket. We were in a mountain then in the middle of January, so night temperatures are really low so I willingly shared my blanket with him.... Okay, I kindda have some itsy bitsy crush on him. Nothing happened under the shared blanket, okay.

After senior year, we went to the same UP campus and took different courses in neighboring colleges, so we see each other a lot. I was hoping that we could be roomies, but since he's on a tight budget, he chose a cheaper dormitory. My feelings for him was still there, but didn't flourish since I know that hanggang friends lang kami. And besides, though I find his orientation questionable, he was courting a girl in high school (typical falling-in-love-with-best-bud dilemma). College went by swiftly. Serena (my other college bestfriend mentioned in one of my posts), Keith and I became closer. Unfortunately, Keith failed in some of his subjects and was not able to graduate on time (And being good, supportive friends that we are, Serena and I bullied him for being an irregular student.).

After college, we pursued different paths. Serena worked as a nurse, Keith eventually graduated from college, while I went to medical school. Keith then redeemed himself by topping his licensure exam (yes, number one, which I am very proud of) and got a high-paying job. We became busy with our chosen paths but still managed to see each other when time permits us. The last time I saw Keith was at the start of my internship at PGH. It was his sort of post-birthday treat. After that,  I never saw him again.

Back to the present...
Keith was so embarrassed. To make him feel better, I told him the typical comforting phrases... that's normal...there's nothing to be ashamed of...yaddah yaddah... I told him about my closet life and my past love life, and eventually, he asked me out. It was 9:30 of a rainy morning. He asked me to meet him in a coffee shop at exactly 11 am. Normally, I wouldn't raise a finger to dress up and would just make an excuse why I can't come. But it was Keith! I quickly took a bath and chose a date outfit... button-down polo, brown belt, brown boat shoes, brown leather bag.

He was ordering a cup of coffee when I arrived. He was wearing a polo shirt, brown pants and a pair of thong slippers and was carrying an ordinary back pack. I instantly thought, okay, this is not the date that I am thinking of. We sat in a corner, and he started talking about his life at present, his frustrations with his career and his frustrations with a guy classmate since college. Keith is in a phase where he feels like he's losing his youth, with his parents sick and his siblings going to college, most of his earnings go to his family and little is left for him to enjoy. That's why he wanted to break free sometimes and try new things.

After having coffee, Keith told me that he's glad that he could now tell all of these things to a friend. For him,  I am still Basti, his old high school and college bud, who now, can be trusted with his other secrets. Friend zoned. Period.

As for me, now that I know where Keith stands, I dunno, but my feelings for him kindda went back to life. But what scares me is that when I let him know what I feel, and he doesn't feel the same, it might just create an atmosphere of awkwardness between us and compromise our friendship.


P.S.
I used to tell Harry that he had a lot in common with my high school crush which made me fall in love with him. I was referring to Keith.

Idiot's Guide to Coming Out

Isabela texted me and asked for a favor. She needed help in finding a gift for her monito, or should I say... "monitey!" *jazz hands*.  She did not identify the person but she just described him as her gay blockmate in denial. I instantly knew that her monito is Jack. "It's Jack, right?" I asked her. "How did you know...Oh well, wala namang iba sa block namin," she replied.  

Well, Jack is utterly and overtly gay, but he just doesn't admit it...or he lacks insight of it? Everybody knows that he's gay but him. What kind of straight man craves for a facial when he's stressed, "I'm so toxic, I need some facial!" (Jack, 2012). (My naughty mind can't help but think of another kind of facial). BB cream? Ask details from him because he's a living proof of how it makes his skin blemish-free. And the walk...he could embarrass the sorority girls with his swinging hips. Yet, when he was in a comedy bar, he walked out when a gay comedian labeled him as "kalahi."

Then Isabela texted again.

Isabela: "So what should I give him? Our theme is something dangerous. I want something witty, worth 200 pesos" 

Basti: "Give him a box of condoms with holes punched out of it. It's dangerous, "

Isabela: "You're not the first person to suggest that, "

Basti: "How about a male prostitute?"

Isabela: "Are they that cheap today? Will they go for 200 pesos?"

Basti: "The cheaper, the more dangerous. They have a higher chance of harboring the virus....God! I can't believe you're really considering that. Baka mag walk-out nanaman yun."

Isabela: "So, ano nga?"

Basti: "How about a self-help book? Idiot's guide to coming out or Stepping out of the closet for dummies. Hehehe"

Isabela: "I guess, we need a copy of those too." 

Toink....A dose of your own medicine. 

photo from here

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Gays are from Romeo Part 2

[…This post was not meant to be a series. I am in a coffee shop (supposedly to study) while writing this blog when one of the guys that I’m describing above (a guy from college) entered the shop. We have been chatting in PR lately and he kept on asking me out. I kept on rejecting his offer because I’m not into dating lately (well, actually, for almost a year now). I had to lower my head to hide my face behind the laptop monitor while I scramble to put my things inside my bag. I’m fortunate enough to be in the most isolated corner of the coffee shop where I had the chance to escape through the door leading to the balcony. Yes, it doesn’t only happen in movies. It happens in real life. I told you, PR makes the world smaller.]

Anyway, as I was saying earlier, PR shocks the hell out of you. The tamed ones may be the wildest in bed and the straight acting ones may be the “queerest” by conventional norms. The radiology technician intern that I was telling you never gave me a hint of queerness. He acts like the other straight technicians and calls them “Pre” or “Bro” in the most convincingly virile way. If it weren’t for my accidental discovery of his profile 2 days ago, I wouldn’t know that he’s a bottom and prefers sucking rather than be sucked.

Whenever someone I know visit my profile first, I always send him a message saying, “Huy, nandito ka din pala” (In other words, “Huy, bading ka din pala”); which will be followed by, “Secret lang natin ‘to ha” (What comes out in PR, stays in PR). However, whenever I see an acquaintance’s profile first, I don’t visit his profile with my primary account (which contains face pictures). I log in using my faceless dummy account and use that to creep him out by sending a message saying: “I know you.”

Yes, having a dummy account is fun. Aside from creeping out people, it’s a good tool for stalking. One of the guys in part 1 (my “apprentice” in the school paper and also my current schoolmate in med school), blocked me immediately when he realized that he visited my profile. Apparently, he’s hoping that by blocking my account, he would prevent me from viewing his profile so that I can’t confirm his identity. However, I was able to recognize his thumbnail picture and little did he know that I am tricky enough to have a dummy account which I used to view his profile and confirm that it was indeed him who viewed my profile. Nabuking ang beki.

My stay in PR also helped me gain cyberfriends like Carl and Jay. They have different personalities. Carl is the jologs one and Jay is the hopeless romantic one. Carl and I talk about pop culture, Manila life and local news. Jay talks about his recent dates, romance and relationships. Another interesting thing about my friends: Carl, Jay and my ex-boyfriend have one in common. They all dated a guy named Dan, who also attempted to ask me out. See, PR is such a small planet.

My closest and longest friends in PR are Josh, the cultured one and; Nix, the wild one. Josh and I talk about international relations, politics, Europe, arts, etiquette, and other fine stuff. However, most of the time, we talk about our philosophies and insights about our experiences, which help us get through the daily conflicts of life and explore our personalities better. Meanwhile, Nix and I talk about his recent “sexcapades” in the sauna or gym locker room. But aside from giving me wild accounts, Nix is a big help in my final exams (by the way, he is a doctor, an incoming internal medicine resident). Sometimes, I can’t believe I’m asking for an educated medical advice from a heavenly_ass username.

So, after all, although this planet called Romeo is crammed with horny inhabitants, there are still guys out there with thoughts other than a dick. This planet could offer you fun and satisfaction of your carnal desires, but it could also provide you with friends that will help you cope with the conflicts between our lifestyle and social norms. But yeah, they are rare gems that are hard to find. Most of the time you would probably run into the randy ones.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, Gays are from Romeo Part 1

Scientists should cease the search for life on another planet because I do know a planet teeming with breathing beings. Like the earth, it is predominantly blue; but with some patches of gold and white. The inhabitants engage in an act similar to the earthling’s intercourse but they do not multiply through that. Similar to humans cradled inside placentas, the inhabitants are initially secured inside a closet, and gradually come out from that. Some choose to come out of the closet completely, while some choose to leave their head stuck inside the closet. As the beings emerge into a world of blue, gold and white, they learn to mingle, gain friends, establish a relationship or merely have fun with each other. If you’re a PLU in this country, you probably know what I’m talking about and you’re probably an inhabitant of this world. If at this point, you’re still confused about what I am writing about, and you’re beginning to think that you’re reading an extraterrestrial being’s blog, perhaps this is the point where I should introduce you to this planet called Romeo.

Planet Romeo, or PR is a worldwide social network, instant messaging and dating community for men looking for men. It’s quite popular in this country’s gay community as statistical data (yes that exists) suggest, Philippines has the second highest number of registered users (85507) next to Germany (354458), where it originated.

The popularity of the site in this country makes the gay world smaller. In my 1 year and 3 months of having an account in the site, I have seen profiles of guys I personally know: one of my high school classmates, a co-officer in the high school student council, my former “apprentice” in our high school paper (who is also my schoolmate in med school), 4 guys from my undergraduate college, 2 of my college professors, a nurse from the hospital where I am being trained, a guy from my med school and recently, a radiology technician intern in the department where I am currently rotating. So, in that sense, PR is also a way of outing gays. Well, some of them are expected to be there, as they have been triggering my gaydar ever since, but some made me jump out of my shoes in surprise. I’ve seen guys who are as tame as a lamb in person, but their PR profiles are crying for sex…wild sex. Their profiles are complete with their dick size, preferred position, fetish… and yes… dick pictures.

To be continued...

The Perfect Catch

Today, my family decided to fish because according to the caretaker of the pond, it is the best time to fish. So, we hurriedly packed our fishing rods and picnic basket. We arrived at the pond and started to unload our stuff. Our excitement suddenly died down when we found ourselves stuck in a foot-deep clay as we walk towards the edge of the pond. We finally reached the water after 20 minutes of skirmish with the thick heavy mud.

We began to cast our fishing poles in the water and waited for a fish to take a bite of the bait. Dum di dum di doo... nothing....dum di dum di doo...still no fish...dum di dum...we got tired of waiting and just decided to eat. Apparently, the water is too deep for fishing and the fishes are at the bottom of the pond. My mom wanted to hit the caretaker with her muddy slippers after she walked on thick mud for nothing.  She was quickly pacified.

 As we were eating, one of my uncles started to talk about why I am a good catch. Oh dear. Why should choosing a wife and fishing be metaphorically related?

"Basti here, has a good future ahead. Any parent would be thrilled to have a doctor as a son-in-law  who can also cook for their daughters. And with those chinito looks, you're definitely a good catch," he told everyone in the table.

My mom suddenly butted in, "I want my daughter-in-law to be a doctor..and she must be a good cook too! I don't want my son to go hungry!" She was hitting the table with a closed fist, making it more of a demand rather than just a statement. "...and please choose a fertile woman. I want an apo!" she continued. Everybody laughed.

"How about a son-in-law who is a doctor and who cooks well? He's fertile but we can't make a child of our own. We could adopt though to give you an apo." That was running in my mind as I gave them a sneaky smile.

I shoud still consider myself lucky for not being forced into fixed marriage. We are just part Chinese and I was raised with predominantly Filipino culture and traditions. However, my aunts and uncles sometimes play matchmaking with their friends. My sister had been to several dates set up by the family after graduating from post-grad school. I am expecting myself to receive a dose of this matchmaking game two years from now too. That is the tinge of Chinese tradition in our family.

But yeah, lately, I am starting to consider marrying a woman and having a family after seeing my dad again after 7 years (I'll write about that in another post). But who? Isabela is the only girl I've fallen in love with...and yeah... she turned out to be a lesbo. And if I do find a girl, would it be just like casting a bait in the water? Upon taking a bite of my charming lure, she'll realize that everything is merely a deceit

photo from here