The Brides Man

As medical internship ends, now comes the board review season where fresh graduates cram everything that they have learned for the past 5 years into their brains for a short period of 3 months.  Isabela (my lesbian best friend) and I are now staying in different sides of the metro since she opted to review in a far far away land called Farview QC. I chose to stay in the comforts of my dirty, old, but gay Manila. Once in a while, when we get tired of studying, or just miss each other, we would SMS each other about our random thoughts. 

This morning, after I get tired of studying bloody vaginas and wrinkled gooey babies that come out of them (read: Obstetrics), I sent her a message and had this conversation:

Basti: So now that same-sex marriage is legal in some countries, do you consider doing it with Fatima?

Isabela: Yes, we have talked about that. The problem is, who would come?

Basti: Me! Me! Me! *hands eagerly raised* Just make sure you'll do it in France. And yeah, pay for my airfare. Otherwise, your only willing guest won't be able to come. :(

Isabela: Ask your Mr. Right to pay for your plane ticket.

Basti: But I don't have one. :( So, who will stand as your maid of honor...or best man....whatever you call that...ehem....

Isabela: You of course! 

Basti: I have a dilemma though. So who shall I hire on your bridal shower, a male stripper, or a female stripper? Hihihihi.

Isabela: Hmmmm. I'd still go for a male stripper.

Basti: How 'bout the cake? Shall I order a dick-shaped one or a vagina-shaped one? Hihihihi

Isabela: Grrr! You! 

(Isabela still doesn't consider herself a total lesbian and hates the label. She prefers bisexual....Okay...)

Basti: Peace! I love you! Please don't make me wear a dress!

Isabela: Sure, you'll wear a tux. Sleeveless, bow tie, shorts...and bunny ears...

Basti: @#$%^!

photo from here

The Perfect Catch

Today, my family decided to fish because according to the caretaker of the pond, it is the best time to fish. So, we hurriedly packed our fishing rods and picnic basket. We arrived at the pond and started to unload our stuff. Our excitement suddenly died down when we found ourselves stuck in a foot-deep clay as we walk towards the edge of the pond. We finally reached the water after 20 minutes of skirmish with the thick heavy mud.

We began to cast our fishing poles in the water and waited for a fish to take a bite of the bait. Dum di dum di doo... nothing....dum di dum di doo...still no fish...dum di dum...we got tired of waiting and just decided to eat. Apparently, the water is too deep for fishing and the fishes are at the bottom of the pond. My mom wanted to hit the caretaker with her muddy slippers after she walked on thick mud for nothing.  She was quickly pacified.

 As we were eating, one of my uncles started to talk about why I am a good catch. Oh dear. Why should choosing a wife and fishing be metaphorically related?

"Basti here, has a good future ahead. Any parent would be thrilled to have a doctor as a son-in-law  who can also cook for their daughters. And with those chinito looks, you're definitely a good catch," he told everyone in the table.

My mom suddenly butted in, "I want my daughter-in-law to be a doctor..and she must be a good cook too! I don't want my son to go hungry!" She was hitting the table with a closed fist, making it more of a demand rather than just a statement. "...and please choose a fertile woman. I want an apo!" she continued. Everybody laughed.

"How about a son-in-law who is a doctor and who cooks well? He's fertile but we can't make a child of our own. We could adopt though to give you an apo." That was running in my mind as I gave them a sneaky smile.

I shoud still consider myself lucky for not being forced into fixed marriage. We are just part Chinese and I was raised with predominantly Filipino culture and traditions. However, my aunts and uncles sometimes play matchmaking with their friends. My sister had been to several dates set up by the family after graduating from post-grad school. I am expecting myself to receive a dose of this matchmaking game two years from now too. That is the tinge of Chinese tradition in our family.

But yeah, lately, I am starting to consider marrying a woman and having a family after seeing my dad again after 7 years (I'll write about that in another post). But who? Isabela is the only girl I've fallen in love with...and yeah... she turned out to be a lesbo. And if I do find a girl, would it be just like casting a bait in the water? Upon taking a bite of my charming lure, she'll realize that everything is merely a deceit

photo from here