The Acceptance

"..and so I continue to dream, to hope, to live and to love. But this time, I just can't help it. I just can't ignore what my gut feeling is telling me...And so from now on, in all my dreams, hopes and plans, you are in the center. My world revolves around you. And there's no denying it, there's no doubt in my mind... I truly am in LOVE with you BASTI...."

A month ago, Harry finally replied to my messages. I asked for forgiveness and told him that I'll do anything to undo the past. ( By the way, I never cheated. I was actually the one who broke up with Harry apparently for no valid reason. Yup, I was a jerk and it took me a while to realize that.) He told me to wait and we'll see if we could make it work out again. But he told me not to bother him in the process and allow him to think. He'll just let me know if he's ready again. And so, there was hope...

A few days ago, I messaged Harry and greeted him happy birthday. It was 5 days late. On the day of his birthday, I was busy making up for my absences because a week before that, I was hospitalized due to dengue fever. (I suddenly remembered that a year ago, I gave him a great birthday treat...with my tongue...hihihihi). I was not able to track the days and before I knew it, it was already 5 days past his birthday. He replied. We talked. Then, finally, he said that he gave it a thought. He said no. We could never be together again. He told me that he could never entrust his heart to me again.

And so, it's finally over. After 9 months, I finally convinced myself to move on and forget about Harry. No matter how hard it is, I have to. So, I began by deleting our photos together. The stuffed animals that he gave me are too cute. So I chose to keep them. Our album of memoirs is hidden in one of the storage boxes which I haven't opened yet since I moved in to my new place. I was too lazy to look for it so I decided to keep it where it is. Finally, I am in the moving on phase!

Just this morning, my sister and I were shopping in a nearby supermarket. My sister knows very well my favorite chips. She grabbed a bag of Doritos, Moby Caramel Puffs and finally, red Tortillos. Then, she asked me to help her find something for her monito monita. Their theme is something white worth 30 pesos.  First, she grabbed a bar of Toblerone white chocolate which is worth 50 pesos. I suggested that she get something cheaper. I saw Choco Mucho white chocolate bars worth 6.95 each. I got 5 pieces which is just a little over 30 pesos. Then, suddenly, the supermarket's radio played Kelly Clarkson and Jason Aldean's Don't you wanna stay. Okay. What's with all these coincidence? It seems like the world wants to see me breakdown in the middle of the supermarket.

Flashback...

When Harry and I were just texting, he asked me if I like country music. I told him that I'm not a fan. He was quite disappointed because he really liked a country music that keeps on playing in a fastfood where he was studying for the board exam. He sent me a link of the song and begged me to listen to it. The link led me to the song "Don't you wanna stay" by Kelly Clarkson and Jason Aldean. Well, I liked the song. It was the first song that Harry shared to me. When Harry and I became a couple, it became sort of our unofficial theme song. Hahaha. Ang corny. 

Another Flashback....

When Harry and I was just in the getting to know each other stage, he asked me what are my comfort foods. I told him that whenever I'm stressed, I go to a nearby 7/11 store and buy a white Choco Mucho bar or barbecue-flavored Tortillos (the red one).

I was a surgery junior intern then when we first met. Surgery is a very stressful rotation. I rarely get some sleep when I am on duty. One day, Harry wanted to meet up with me. I was from a 36-hour duty that time, nevertheless, I wanted to see him. When we were at my place, I asked him if I could take a nap first because I was really very sleepy. I told him to wake me up because I have to wash some of my uniform since I have nothing to wear for the following day. He agreed but he also told me that he can't sleep over because he told his mom that he's coming home that night. Then, we kissed then he cuddled me to sleep. 

At around 11pm, I woke up then realized that Harry had already left. I kindda felt bad when he left without telling me because I didn't have the chance to kiss him good-bye. I went downstairs to do my laundry but to my surprise, my uniform was already washed and hung to dry. Then, I noticed a note on the dining table saying....

"I didn't want to wake you up. You were sleeping soundly. I left you some comfort food. Love you." 

And below the note is a box of Choco Mucho and a bag of red Tortillos. My heart fell instantly. It was the best kilig moment I had in my entire life. It was the sweetest thing that a guy did for me. 

To be continued...