Another Ghost from the Past

The room assignments for the board exams are out. 

All takers who registered for this year's licensure exam are arranged alphabetically according to their family names, distributed among 3 testing centers in Manila. With heart pounding (because the release of room assignments is basically telling you that the board exams are just 4 days away), I checked my name online. I was quite relieved when I found out that some of my friends (surnames starting in C and D) were assigned in the same floor and building. I wouldn't be that much of a loner during break time. As I went through the names of my classmates and friends, I came across a very familiar name, just 3 rooms away from mine. It was Adrian's.

Adrian is a graduate of a Catholic medical school under the Benedictine order and he was an intern from a private hospital in a posh district in San Juan. I dated him back then. Nothing happened between us, which is probably the reason why he never called back. He kindda made it clear that he's just after his ulterior motives (which is, in his own words, "play" with me).

So the day of the exams came, and I totally forgot about the chances of encountering Adrian again. Well, taking the board exams make you think of other more important stuff,  like PASSING the exam! Before the start of the first test, we were allowed to go to the bathroom. After taking a leak, I checked myself out on the mirror behind someone who is washing his face on the lavatory. When he raised his head, I noticed that he stared at me through the mirror. Well, it's probably normal to check out the person using the mirror behind you, so I just left, forgetting about the incident. 

Then, the second day of exams came, now, people are more relaxed and are more aware of the people around them. Since there is heavy traffic in front of the testing center because of the road construction, my friends and I were dropped off somewhere near and we went on foot for the rest of the way. While we were walking, we passed by the guy who checked me out through the mirror the day before. He's buying cigarette from a takatak boy. And that's when it hit me... Adrian was a smoker. Honestly, I forgot how he looked like, or I guess, he gained a little weight. I just ignored the idea of bumping into him. So what? It wouldn't affect how I would take the exams.

The second day went by like a breeze. While I waited for my friends along the corridor, there he was on the other end. We glanced at each other but I showed no signs of recognition or anything. I quickly turned to another angle pretending that it's one of those accidental glances you make with random people. Finally, my friends came and as we went down the stairs, I saw him in my peripheral vision, following us up to the parking lot. Fortunately, our sundo was early and we were picked up right away. Then, the second week of exams came. I dunno if it's me, or it's just him try to get near me all the time. CR breaks, lunch breaks, in between breaks... papampam much! 

On the last day of exams, I accompanied my friends to a nearby church. I sat on a bleacher at the back as I waited for my friends to say their prayers. I've forgotten how grand Catholic Churches are since I became a Protestant. The last time I went inside one was during my father's burial (because his other family is Catholic) and so I just spent the rest of my time looking around, appreciating the architecture of the all-steel, gothic-inspired church. What caught my attention is a guy praying intently, his head bowed down, eyes tightly shut, his hands almost hugging the crucifix hanging near the entrance of the church. I instantly recognized that he's Adrian. Pati ba naman dito? But slowly, my bitterness turned into compassion as I could see, he might be going through a desperate situation.

Heavy rain was pouring outside the church as Maring started to devastate the metro. Our sundo took a while to come as the streets start to flood. I decided to go out of the church to wait. As I stand under the shade of the church's entrance, a guy stood just a foot away in front of me. Seriously Adrian? There's like 30 square meters of space and you decided to stand in front of me? Like a reflex, I went away, opened my umbrella and just waited under the rain. And yeah, I realized, seriously? There's 30 square meters of space under the shade and I had to stay under the rain...drama much! I guess that sent him the signal that there's no way I'm initiating a conversation. Anyway, from my position, I get to observe him more. Seems like he had no umbrella and he's figuring out a way to get to a ride. Later on, I saw him take out his hanky, put it on his head and skipped in between the puddles of water. I watched him as he made his way out of the gate and fade away from my sight. 

I watched him take the wrath of the weather, as he took the wrath of my bitterness. But then, I also remember the image of a desperate guy hugging a crucifix. Was all that papampam a call for comfort? Perhaps he needs to hear from someone that he's not the only one who finds the exam difficult, or maybe listen to some words of encouragement. Would it have been better if I offered him a ride, or shared my umbrella until he got a ride, or at least I said something nice? I guess, I should have done that, but I was short sighted, overcame by an emotional turmoil from the past. Oh well, for now, he has to endure the wrath of Maring and the wrath of Basti. Anyway, jerks need a little bit of spanking from time to time. I just wish the best for both of us. 

photo from here

Would have been Perfect

Isabela is back in Manila and we are desperately looking for a nice place that's conducive for studying. After studying at the university library, we came across a small coffee shop below a hotel along a popular Malate street. We used to bypass that cafe when going to a mainstream coffee shop nearby. The place reminds me of a french cafe, with its rustic wooden walls. It really looks cozy with its low ceiling and dim lights enough for reading. 

It was a drizzly night, setting the tropical Manila weather into a more comfortable one. I checked my phone. It's 24 degrees outside. The place, however, has no regard of the weather and had its air conditioning units in full blast.

"Ahhh! Don't you feel like we're in Paris (with a silent S)? The ambiance... the musique...the weather!" I told Isabela in a French accent. 

"I've never been to Europe. But yeah, this place is cool. I mean, literally cool," Isabela replied.

Her girlfriend, Fatima, also came over 30 minutes later. We sat on a four-seater table. Of course, they sat on the same side while I sat beside my bag. We were studying productively until we started feeling the cold air getting into us. Yeah, the cold is now killing the ambience... the musique... and those French blahs!

Since I lost a lot of pounds after internship (I am now near my pre-med school weight), I began wearing my small-sized wide-necked shirts to boast how much I lost to those I know (yes, no more belly!)... and fish for compliments. However, this time, showing too much skin is really not helpful. Isabela had a jacket, which of course, she shared with her girlfriend. And yeah, they could hug without the judging stares from others, because they are girls. 

With little clothing to cover me, less fat to insulate the heat, and a sweet couple sitting in front of me, I could feel the physical and emotional coldness creeping into me. I just hugged my bag sitting next to me to cover whatever it could cover. Then, I texted Isabela and said, "Would have been perfect if Harry were here.." 

Isabela read the SMS and pouted her lips while I looked at her with puppy dog eyes. Then, she whispered  something to Fatima.

"There! You're dying!" Isabela handed me the jacket. "You still got me. Don't worry." Then she smiled.

And that made me realize, it would have been perfect.... if the place were warm enough on a cold rainy day.

As for me... I think, being single is perfect... with a great best friend by my side. 

photo from here

The Brides Man

As medical internship ends, now comes the board review season where fresh graduates cram everything that they have learned for the past 5 years into their brains for a short period of 3 months.  Isabela (my lesbian best friend) and I are now staying in different sides of the metro since she opted to review in a far far away land called Farview QC. I chose to stay in the comforts of my dirty, old, but gay Manila. Once in a while, when we get tired of studying, or just miss each other, we would SMS each other about our random thoughts. 

This morning, after I get tired of studying bloody vaginas and wrinkled gooey babies that come out of them (read: Obstetrics), I sent her a message and had this conversation:

Basti: So now that same-sex marriage is legal in some countries, do you consider doing it with Fatima?

Isabela: Yes, we have talked about that. The problem is, who would come?

Basti: Me! Me! Me! *hands eagerly raised* Just make sure you'll do it in France. And yeah, pay for my airfare. Otherwise, your only willing guest won't be able to come. :(

Isabela: Ask your Mr. Right to pay for your plane ticket.

Basti: But I don't have one. :( So, who will stand as your maid of honor...or best man....whatever you call that...ehem....

Isabela: You of course! 

Basti: I have a dilemma though. So who shall I hire on your bridal shower, a male stripper, or a female stripper? Hihihihi.

Isabela: Hmmmm. I'd still go for a male stripper.

Basti: How 'bout the cake? Shall I order a dick-shaped one or a vagina-shaped one? Hihihihi

Isabela: Grrr! You! 

(Isabela still doesn't consider herself a total lesbian and hates the label. She prefers bisexual....Okay...)

Basti: Peace! I love you! Please don't make me wear a dress!

Isabela: Sure, you'll wear a tux. Sleeveless, bow tie, shorts...and bunny ears...

Basti: @#$%^!

photo from here

My best bud's unintentional coming out

So Grindr has been in existence for quite a while now but I've been living under a rock as well. I installed the application just recently,  and got addicted instantly. Grindr is like a real, tangible gaydar, or as we call it in the medical field, an ancillary procedure that  aids us in confirming what our clinical eye is telling us. I've been hanging out in coffee shops a lot lately to review for the board exams. Being situated in Manila's gay district, any hot or metrosexual guy tinkling with his phone would call for a gaydar check. A few clicks and boom! Someone's just 20 meters away. Well, I don't have any intention of introducing myself to these guys (my profile does not have a face picture and my name is just suggestive of my career) and end up hooking up with them. It's just fun when you find out what they are hiding and there's a fulfillment when you realize that your gaydar is somehow accurate.

FYI, I haven't met anyone personally from this app... well... except for this guy....

One rainy afternoon, while I was studying in a coffee shop, a hot guy came in (Ok, this is not the guy that I met, wish ko lang). So I turned on my portable tangible gaydar, but no one is nearby. Negative. So either this guy is not online, not a Grindr user, or he's just straight. But before I turned it off, there's that small red dot in one of the profiles, meaning, I got a message. It's a nameless, faceless, wordless profile some 500 meters away from me. So he's probably not in the coffee shop. I read the message anyway. He said, "Let's fuck." Thinking that this might be one of those randy airheads, I just ignored the message.

For the following days, I came back to the coffee shop to study and as hot guys came in, I turn on my Grindr. But instead of getting positive results, I get messages from the same nameless profile which I don't reply to. "Hey" "Yo" "What's your number?" "Anong height mo?" Persistent si kuya.

One day, while I was at home studying, I got tired of reading and went online. Nameless profile messaged me again and said, "Sex?" Hmmmm. I got so curious of who this guy is. So I replied, "Got pic?" There was a lag while the picture was downloading so while waiting, I was thinking, "Siguro  mukha tong tambay na malibog." A few seconds later, I was shocked.

"Keith, would it be awkward if I'll tell you that I've known you for a long time?" I told him. "Who are you?" He replied. "It's me, Basti."....

I've known Keith since high school. We somehow look like each other, and act similarly. Silent, gentle and studious. We became classmates in our senior year when he got promoted to the first section. We were really not that close but somehow, we had more interaction with each other when we became classmates.One time, in a boy scout camping, he forgot to bring a blanket. We were in a mountain then in the middle of January, so night temperatures are really low so I willingly shared my blanket with him.... Okay, I kindda have some itsy bitsy crush on him. Nothing happened under the shared blanket, okay.

After senior year, we went to the same UP campus and took different courses in neighboring colleges, so we see each other a lot. I was hoping that we could be roomies, but since he's on a tight budget, he chose a cheaper dormitory. My feelings for him was still there, but didn't flourish since I know that hanggang friends lang kami. And besides, though I find his orientation questionable, he was courting a girl in high school (typical falling-in-love-with-best-bud dilemma). College went by swiftly. Serena (my other college bestfriend mentioned in one of my posts), Keith and I became closer. Unfortunately, Keith failed in some of his subjects and was not able to graduate on time (And being good, supportive friends that we are, Serena and I bullied him for being an irregular student.).

After college, we pursued different paths. Serena worked as a nurse, Keith eventually graduated from college, while I went to medical school. Keith then redeemed himself by topping his licensure exam (yes, number one, which I am very proud of) and got a high-paying job. We became busy with our chosen paths but still managed to see each other when time permits us. The last time I saw Keith was at the start of my internship at PGH. It was his sort of post-birthday treat. After that,  I never saw him again.

Back to the present...
Keith was so embarrassed. To make him feel better, I told him the typical comforting phrases... that's normal...there's nothing to be ashamed of...yaddah yaddah... I told him about my closet life and my past love life, and eventually, he asked me out. It was 9:30 of a rainy morning. He asked me to meet him in a coffee shop at exactly 11 am. Normally, I wouldn't raise a finger to dress up and would just make an excuse why I can't come. But it was Keith! I quickly took a bath and chose a date outfit... button-down polo, brown belt, brown boat shoes, brown leather bag.

He was ordering a cup of coffee when I arrived. He was wearing a polo shirt, brown pants and a pair of thong slippers and was carrying an ordinary back pack. I instantly thought, okay, this is not the date that I am thinking of. We sat in a corner, and he started talking about his life at present, his frustrations with his career and his frustrations with a guy classmate since college. Keith is in a phase where he feels like he's losing his youth, with his parents sick and his siblings going to college, most of his earnings go to his family and little is left for him to enjoy. That's why he wanted to break free sometimes and try new things.

After having coffee, Keith told me that he's glad that he could now tell all of these things to a friend. For him,  I am still Basti, his old high school and college bud, who now, can be trusted with his other secrets. Friend zoned. Period.

As for me, now that I know where Keith stands, I dunno, but my feelings for him kindda went back to life. But what scares me is that when I let him know what I feel, and he doesn't feel the same, it might just create an atmosphere of awkwardness between us and compromise our friendship.


P.S.
I used to tell Harry that he had a lot in common with my high school crush which made me fall in love with him. I was referring to Keith.

Another Chapter Ends

Finally, another rigorous year is done. Thank you PGH for a wonderful year! 

Now, I have to face yet another challenging hurdle...the detested board exams!

Boredom

Alone in my unit during one of my rare weekends. Penniless and bored, this is what I do. Got this idea from one of my blogger friends. Probably, one of my last Harry posts. 

Highschool Rivalry

For a science high school where one has to have something between his/her ears to get in, you don't have to be a hot cheerleader or a chiseled jock for you to be popular. You just need a lot of brains and and get every extra-curricular activities that you could crunch into your loaded schedule. I happened to be a part of the cream section since I first stepped in to high school and  I became friends with the popular group. Eventually, I became one of them, climbing and stepping on others to be on top.

Once, there were four mean girls in our school. They were the only popular ones. They have been friends since primary school. I was not a part of their group because I came from another school, but I know one of them since childhood. She was Kristine. We were neighbors, playmates and childhood sweethearts back then. In the early parts of high school, we would just say hi to each other but we didn't hang out or eat lunch together. I had my own group of friends.

Then, there came a time when Kristine had a major fight with the mean girls. Finding herself alone, she turned to me for solace and eventually, we became best of friends. She also became part of my group. A year later, there was another major fight within the mean girls' circle and eventually, Paula broke away. She then turned to Kristine for comfort and eventually, became friends with our group. Now, the mean girls found another recruit, which now makes them 3 witches. Eventually, the parting of these girls developed into a rivalry between our circles which went beyond the emotional drama of the four. The fight transformed into an academic competition, with each of our circles trying to outdo the other in academic ranking. We monopolized the organizations and schemed to hold leadership in different clubs. We outnumbered the three, but they didn't just give up. They have their own tricks to kick us out of our posts, which sometimes reach to school-wide signature campaigns.

The peak of the rivalry was the student council elections. We held the leading, unbeaten party. It was so powerful that for some years, no other party dared to run for office. However, we know the capabilities of the three; so, we changed our stance and turned to diplomacy. We offered them positions in order to prevent establishment of a rival party. They accepted the proposition.

We were already convinced that we would take over the council unmatched until the day before the deadline of submission of certificates of candidacy. We realized that were not alone in the fight because they made their own party behind our backs. And so, the fight went on with the campaign period. At the end of the tally, we still emerged as the leading party, but lost one position. Anne, one of the three witches kicked out Kristine for vice presidency.

After four years of  war, we finally reached the culmination of high school...graduation. We landed in several places in the ranking, with one of us grabbing the salutatory place. However, Anne emerged as the class valedictorian; hence, she had the opportunity to bitch slap us in her valedictory address. And so, we were indirectly labeled as the "detractors" who made her stronger. Pak pak pak pak.

After graduation, we went to different universities. Most of us in the group went to UP while the rest went to UE. Anne went to Ateneo while her 2 other minions also went to UP. As years passed by, the rivalry slowly faded away. We attended home-coming parties organized by the other group, and vice versa. We give each other a hug when we see each other around the campus. When Facebook, came out, we added each other as friends and became updated with each others' lives.

This day is exactly 9 years after our high school graduation. The three witches are now married and have children. Anne now has 2. Meanwhile, most of us in our group, if not all, are single. Most of us are concentrated in our chosen career. We hold licenses and double titles in business, health and engineering. Some of my friends are beginning to build their dream houses while others (like me) are in post-graduate school.

Who succeeded? Career-wise, there's no doubt that we have left behind the three witches, but when it comes to happiness, I think the three got it. Here we are, pushing ourselves to the limit,  and toiling day and night; while the the three play with their kids and sleep beside their husbands at night satisfied. So, we have our money and titles, but the three have their security. 

So in the end, who won? Well, I really can't tell. But perhaps, in the future, my friends and I will find love to add flavor in our filthy rich lifestyle (well, hopefully, this would come true as well).  But as of this moment, the three witches still have the final laugh.Hihihihihi

photo from here