When Harry met Basti Part 1

I never had a chance to write about how my relationship with Harry started. I promised to do so last year but I got busy with my junior internship, until we broke up. So even before I could write about how the magic began, I was already mourning about how it ended. Now, I just thought that it would be nice to document it before I move on and forget about him. 

It all started with a profile view.

I opened my PR account and checked my visitors. His username is in Latin, derived from Harry Potter. His profile picture is the cover of a Harry Potter book. His other pictures include Daniel Radcliffe and a golden snitch.  His profile says that he is a homeboy, loves puzzles and still dependent at his age (26). With that last detail, my intuition is telling me that he is also a medical student. 

I was not looking for a date or relationship during that time. It was the start of my junior internship. The final year of medical school. I am the "lowest form" of animal in the medical hierarchy. I am a slave. I need to get through this in order to get that MD degree. Sustaining a relationship would be the least of my priorities. I was just looking for friends. Someone to talk to online when I feel down. Someone who could listen to my closet stories. I found him to be a perfect online friend. So I messaged him. 

"Hey. I find your profile interesting. I think we have a lot in common."

After several days, I checked my profile again. He replied and he was also online. I forgot about the details of that conversation but what I could remember is that he told me about his family background and I had him admit that he is also a medical student. He is from a pure Chinese family. He graduated from an exclusive Catholic university and had his post-graduate internship in the hospital of the same university. He was reviewing for the board exams during that time. Then he gave me his nickname. Harry.

We became online friends. There is never a hint of romance in our conversation. We just talk about our life, our ex's and med school. After several days, he finally told me that whenever he opens his account and sees that message box turn red when I leave him a message, his heart beats faster. "Uh-oh..." I told myself. I cannot go into a relationship right now. But I also find him interesting. He never shared his face pictures to me. I never asked for them anyway. Yet, I found myself attracted to him. 

As we were talking about med school and pre-med, I was able to trace a connection between us. I have a classmate in med school who was his close friend back in college. Since that classmate is my facebook friend, I checked out her friends and typed Harry. One profile showed up. He was wearing a yellow biretta and mozzetta, the academic regalia of a Catholic university. He had small pea-sized eyes and fair complexion. I checked out his other pictures. This is definitely Harry.

Harry is cute. Average built. Nice smile. Neat. Someone you could present to your mom. So, apart from the attraction to his character, I was also physically attracted to him. So, when he asked for my number, I forgot about my i-need-to-focus-in-my-junior-internship-principle. I gave it right away and we became text mates.

Now, our conversations were marred by occasional flirting. By this time, we both know that there is something between us; however, we never talked about plans of meeting up. We both agreed that we're not yet ready for dating and it is better that we don't see each other yet. He just asked me to share  my  thoughts and what's going on in my life. Well, being a natural apathetic, I sometimes fail to do that and one time, he complained that he cannot read me and know what's going on in my mind. That scared him. 

"What are you doing tomorrow?" He asked me

"I'll be taking my mock exam in the morning then I'm free after that," I replied

"Okay. Let's meet up." He texted me

I was shocked. It's my first date after a very looooong time. I think I'm not prepared. I asked him why he would like to meet up all of a sudden. 

"Sometimes, I don't know what's going on in your mind. Perhaps, seeing you personally would make me understand you more. If that's what it takes to get to know you, then let's do it. I really like you Basti."

Kinilig naman ako. So, my reply was, "Yes."

He asked me to decide where we would meet up. All I could think of was Harbor Square. It's near, it's by the bay. It's romantic. But I don't wanna go over the top, so I chose a pizza place. I went there directly from my exam. I was still wearing my uniform and carrying my duffel bag. I chose a seat overlooking the bay. Then he came. His hair is shaved and awkwardly  growing. He was wearing a striped polo shirt, a baggy pair of denim pants and a pair of slippers...

To be continued....

Perineal Hygiene

We were discussing a case of a girl with cerebral palsy in a small group discussion together with a rehabilitation medicine consultant. One of her primary problems is her spastic hip adductor muscles. To make it more understandable, the muscles that draw her thighs together are so tense, she cannot "open" them (hindi siya makabukaka). The consultant started asking questions about the problems that can be encountered with this condition. One answered gait problems. The consultant said that that is very obvious. He asked for another answer that is not that observable but could give significant problems to the patient. The room got silent as all interns think for the right answer. Meanwhile, I tried to analyze the question by replicating the problem. I adducted my hips and in doing so, I noticed that something is getting squished. Then I suddenly blurted out loud...."Perineal hygiene!" The consultant was impressed by my answer and started explaining that indeed, perineal hygiene is compromised with this problem, leading to recurrent infections. 

After the discussion, one of my co-interns asked me how I came up with the answer. I said, "It's simple...Inipit ko...common sense."

photo from here

The man who can't move on

It has been almost 3 months since I broke up with Harry and apparently, I am the one who can't move on. My room is still filled with his memorabilia and my fridge stuffed with uneaten chocolates from Harry. Every night (when I am not on duty) I sleep hugging the stuffed panda that he gave me. When I am on duty and the emergency room is benign, I go around Malate and Ermita area to eat at places where we have been to and sit exactly where we ate. Just recently, I ate at a fastfood where we had our second date, after which, he went to my flat where we had our first kiss. (Ok, my eyes are really welling up with tears right now) Then, there are nights when I just remember the first time he told me "I love you." His voice kept on playing in my head (Basti... mahal na mahal kita) until I retire to sleep. 

Now, he hates me so much. He won't forget what I have done. I didn't cheat. But what I did just hurt him so much. He "unfriended" me in facebook and he won't read my messages at PR. I did other ways to get in touch with him in the name of another person. And that's how I knew that he is now dating someone. Well, I'm glad that he is happy now.

As for me, I think, it would take longer to get over him. It is my first relationship that went over a month, and I love him so much. In the later part of our relationship, we did lose the connection, but that does not mean that I fell out of love. I still love him (I think up to now), but I have to consider other things in life that forced me out of the relationship. 

Anyway, while trying to be nostalgic of my college days, I typed MYMP in youtube and came across this video. Seconds later, I am crying again....It is what I am currently going through...

One step closer to real life

After a long wait for my internship matching, my top choice hospital finally called. 

Woman on the other line: "Are you interested to train under our institution?" 

Me: "Hell, yeah! What took you so long to call?" (Of course that was just in my mind. My real answer was a plain yes.)

Woman on the other line: "Okay, just go to my office to receive your acceptance letter and attend the orientation on..."

Me: "...April 23 and 24."

Woman on the other line: "Oh. So you know. Anyway, welcome back to our institution."

I was actually on the road when I received the call. I was on my way to my second choice hospital  to attend their orientation. They released their matching results way before my first choice hospital. Weeks before I received the call, I have already planned to move to a new city, jog around a nearby green spacious university, go to a gym after duties and buy new gadgets with my monthly stipend from the hospital. Now, I have to quickly rearrange my plans and be prepared to get stuck with polluted Taft Avenue and fishy Baywalk, receive free meals (dry meat with brown sauce and rice), instead of cash as my monthly compensation and handle loads of patients once more.

Yes, I am willing to give all of that up for quality training...so internship, please be kind to me.

photo from here

Heart of Stone

On the sandy wilderness I lay,

I watch as night consumes the day,

Alone I feel the cool breeze blow,

As sand beneath this rock flow.

In the midst of the night's darkness,

My eyes I set to the black expanse,

There I see the twinkling madness,

A feast of stars in a joyful dance.

Then a radiant star defied the rest,

Golden, glowing in its fullest,

Nurturing heavens with its light,

Standing out in the darkness of night.

Gently, the light reached my heart,

Touched my soul and to it impart,

The beauty of love in this strife,

To use one's heart in living life.

But this heart is molded from stone,

To the shadows I hid alone,

Away from the shinning glimmer,

My star lost its will to shimmer.

Without a light I was trampled upon,

Broken, shattered, I am none,

Scattered in pieces, I looked above,

I saw my star with enduring love.

“My light is dim but I am here,

Waiting for you to come near,

When thy heart is for mine to keep,

This light will shine for thy sight to reap."

photo from here

Break up

I don't want to do it but I think I had to. 
I'm so sorry Harry.
You fell in love with a worthless person.
You made the past 10 months of my life the best.
I will always cherish the memories.
The dinners, the surprises, the walks, the thoughtfulness, everything about you.
That's why it's not easy to let you go.
Thank you for the unconditional love.
I hope we'll be okay someday.

As I try to take a glimpse of you when we parted ways, I can't help but cry and wish that it's not my last glimpse of you.

I love you Harry. Always remember that. I just need to do it.
 

Medicinae Doctor

 After 4 grueling years in medical school, I am finally receiving the degree, Medicinae Doctor (MD). By just looking at my toga, I feel like my 4 years of hard work have already been compensated. 

Starting tomorrow, I will be called Sebastian Cua, MD