Boredom

Alone in my unit during one of my rare weekends. Penniless and bored, this is what I do. Got this idea from one of my blogger friends. Probably, one of my last Harry posts. 

Highschool Rivalry

For a science high school where one has to have something between his/her ears to get in, you don't have to be a hot cheerleader or a chiseled jock for you to be popular. You just need a lot of brains and and get every extra-curricular activities that you could crunch into your loaded schedule. I happened to be a part of the cream section since I first stepped in to high school and  I became friends with the popular group. Eventually, I became one of them, climbing and stepping on others to be on top.

Once, there were four mean girls in our school. They were the only popular ones. They have been friends since primary school. I was not a part of their group because I came from another school, but I know one of them since childhood. She was Kristine. We were neighbors, playmates and childhood sweethearts back then. In the early parts of high school, we would just say hi to each other but we didn't hang out or eat lunch together. I had my own group of friends.

Then, there came a time when Kristine had a major fight with the mean girls. Finding herself alone, she turned to me for solace and eventually, we became best of friends. She also became part of my group. A year later, there was another major fight within the mean girls' circle and eventually, Paula broke away. She then turned to Kristine for comfort and eventually, became friends with our group. Now, the mean girls found another recruit, which now makes them 3 witches. Eventually, the parting of these girls developed into a rivalry between our circles which went beyond the emotional drama of the four. The fight transformed into an academic competition, with each of our circles trying to outdo the other in academic ranking. We monopolized the organizations and schemed to hold leadership in different clubs. We outnumbered the three, but they didn't just give up. They have their own tricks to kick us out of our posts, which sometimes reach to school-wide signature campaigns.

The peak of the rivalry was the student council elections. We held the leading, unbeaten party. It was so powerful that for some years, no other party dared to run for office. However, we know the capabilities of the three; so, we changed our stance and turned to diplomacy. We offered them positions in order to prevent establishment of a rival party. They accepted the proposition.

We were already convinced that we would take over the council unmatched until the day before the deadline of submission of certificates of candidacy. We realized that were not alone in the fight because they made their own party behind our backs. And so, the fight went on with the campaign period. At the end of the tally, we still emerged as the leading party, but lost one position. Anne, one of the three witches kicked out Kristine for vice presidency.

After four years of  war, we finally reached the culmination of high school...graduation. We landed in several places in the ranking, with one of us grabbing the salutatory place. However, Anne emerged as the class valedictorian; hence, she had the opportunity to bitch slap us in her valedictory address. And so, we were indirectly labeled as the "detractors" who made her stronger. Pak pak pak pak.

After graduation, we went to different universities. Most of us in the group went to UP while the rest went to UE. Anne went to Ateneo while her 2 other minions also went to UP. As years passed by, the rivalry slowly faded away. We attended home-coming parties organized by the other group, and vice versa. We give each other a hug when we see each other around the campus. When Facebook, came out, we added each other as friends and became updated with each others' lives.

This day is exactly 9 years after our high school graduation. The three witches are now married and have children. Anne now has 2. Meanwhile, most of us in our group, if not all, are single. Most of us are concentrated in our chosen career. We hold licenses and double titles in business, health and engineering. Some of my friends are beginning to build their dream houses while others (like me) are in post-graduate school.

Who succeeded? Career-wise, there's no doubt that we have left behind the three witches, but when it comes to happiness, I think the three got it. Here we are, pushing ourselves to the limit,  and toiling day and night; while the the three play with their kids and sleep beside their husbands at night satisfied. So, we have our money and titles, but the three have their security. 

So in the end, who won? Well, I really can't tell. But perhaps, in the future, my friends and I will find love to add flavor in our filthy rich lifestyle (well, hopefully, this would come true as well).  But as of this moment, the three witches still have the final laugh.Hihihihihi

photo from here

UP Naging Mahal

There used to be a joke about the big three universities: " Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang math. Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking. Sa UP mahirap ang.... estudyante." And so, there were other campus war jokes where the humor revolves around how bright but financially disadvantaged the Iskos and Iskas are.

But things have changed.  It has been five years since I graduated from the university. Back then, I just paid 300 pesos per unit. I was a regular paying student, meaning, I don't have any scholarships or discounts. That tuition is just that small. Now, UP students pay more than thrice my tuition 5 years ago.

Lately, I took a quick meal at the College of Arts and Sciences (AS) cafeteria  of UP Manila which is just across the PGH - Out Patient Department as I took advantage of my short lunch break. It is were I used to hang out back in college while waiting for a class. It is a bit different now, with conyo as the major language of communication.Students are busy crushing candies in their iPads. iPhones are also everywhere...and parking (in AS), is as difficult as that in La Salle.

And so, I therefore conclude, that UP is not what it used to be. Well, quality-wise, education is still among the best, but sadly, it is no longer for the masses.The increasing cost of education in the university mandated to educate the financially disadvantaged has created a social shift in the student population. Hence, those campus jokes are no longer applicable, as tuition in UP can now drive a poor student to death...um...literally. (And therefore, an Atenean can no longer tell an Isko that the latter's tuition is just his stipend for a day.)

As with Kristel Tejada's suicide, I still believe that UP should not get the sole blame for her death. Coming from a medical perspective, the drive of a person to commit suicide is multifactorial. The forced leave of absence and inability to pay the tuition may be just one of them. Indeed, these might have been just  overemphasized by the militant students, but in the end, what good came out of this issue is the realization of the policies that render the poor students powerless. And I hope in the near future, the government would review its budget allocation and the UP system would create lenient policies that won't suffocate the disadvantaged students.

Well, as for the moment, UP is still UP. Too bad, you can't enjoy it when you can't afford it.

As for the present Iskos and Iskas, you are lucky enough to be endowed with brains and enough money to afford UP. But I hope you won't forget your fellow Iskos and Iskas and even those outside UP who are struggling to make ends meet but highly value education. Complacency may lead to apathy which is not how UP brought us up.

And so, I shout again what I used to shout on the streets, "Iskolar ng Bayan! Ngayon ay Lumalaban!"

photo from here

My Young Bromance

I'm one lucky intern who was privileged to have a 2-week vacation while the rest of my co-interns would probably go on duty, figuring out how to reattach or amputate mangled extremities on new' year's eve. As  day 10 of bumming around came, boredom strikes in my  isolated, enchanted kingdom where all fantasies come true (read: my room). I ventured into the depths of our mysterious dungeon, a.k.a. bodega, where I found some old photo albums. They are the albums that my late granny compiled, categorized according to families, events, travels, etc.. I took one and opened it. I saw a picture of  our new year's eve dinner in 1995. My grandmother was sitting in the middle while I was standing on her right and another boy was standing on her left. His name is...Carlito Miguel..Tadadan...*Tingin sa malayo...fade effect...black and white...piano instrumental* (Sorry, I'm in a soap opera mood today).

When I was young, my grandmother used to live in our house in the province. Every vacation, my parents would take me there to spend quality time with my granny. But being a stranger to that place, I didn't know anyone of my age. I had no  friends. The house helpers were my playmates and at night, my granny and I would play sungka. When the household is busy, I would play alone with my robots, my manly robots and guns.

Dear granny thought that cute little Basti is bored and lonely. She didn't know that I'm introvert by nature. So my ever kind and loving granny called all her tauhans and said, "Ipaghanap ng kalaro ang aking mahal na apo. Kung hindi, walang kakain ng hapunan!" *evil laugh* 

And that's how I met...Carlito Miguel, or let's just call him Carlo. He is the nephew of my uncle's driver. Carlo is unlike other paslit kids in town. He is actually cute, with mestizo features. He has light brown eyes with long eyelashes and pointed nose. He had Stefano Mori-ish hair, the popular hairstyle back then. He is 4 years older. When we were first introduced to each other, I felt something that I have felt with girls that I admire before. Oh dear, I had my first guy crush.

Carlo and I became good friends. Everyday, he would come over to our place. We would wait for the morning Japanese cartoons and then play family computer after. After lunch, we would either play hide and seek around the house or stroll around the town plaza, then afterwards, take a bath together in my granny's bath tub. Yes, we took a bath together naked. We were inseparable.

New Year's eve came. My mom invited him to sleep over and celebrate new year with us. While the household was busy preparing for new year's eve dinner, my mom sent me and Carlo to the bedroom to sleep and she told us that she would just wake us up when the clock strikes 12. So, we obediently followed, changed in our pajamas and headed to bed. It was a cold December night. We covered ourselves in blanket, then fell into a deep slumber.

In the middle of my sleep, I was woken up by something. It felt so warm and comforting. I realized that Carlo was cuddling me. I gently removed his arms but my movements woke him up. "Why?" he asked me. "My mom might see us." I replied. "So? We're both boys. What's wrong with that?" he justified. Hmmm... That's what's wrong. We're both boys and we're cuddling.  I guess Carlo had no concept of homosexuality back then. But I just let him do it, perhaps, because it feels good. Sorry to disappoint you, but this post is not about a pre-teen homosexual sex. Nothing further happened that night. First of all, I had no idea of homosexual sex (and even heterosexual sex because I still believe that torrid kissing makes a girl pregnant) and yeah, there were no feelings of lust back then.

Days after, the two-week Christmas break has to end, and so as our play dates. Carlo was there when we were loading our baggage to the car to say good bye. No, there were no teary good byes or promises of unending friendship said. He just asked me to sing. (Ang weird diba? Perhaps he wants a memory of my voice). So there, in front of him, I sang a song about missing someone on Christmas day. We just said simple good byes after. I told him that I'll be back on summer break. Then I sat on the backseat of the car, looked back through the rear shield and waved as the driver started the car. As the car took off, I just watched as the house became smaller from my view (No, Carlo did not chase the car crying until he can no longer catch his breath while I am helplessly looking back from the backseat, though it might make me cry if he did that.)

Back to the present...
One day, my mom went to the community health clinic to have her blood pressure checked. He approached a male nurse and asked him to take her blood pressure. As he was wrapping the cuff around my mom's arm, the nurse asked my mom, "Tita, how's Basti?" My mom was shocked and looked at his face. That's when she recognized him. He was Carlo.

When my mom visited me recently, he told me about the encounter. She was laughing as she recounted how noisy we were back then and when she saw us cuddling in the bedroom (Sabi ko na nga ba! Nakita niya!). I was a bit embarrassed when my mom reminded me of the latter. I wanted to ask my mom if he still looks good as before but she might wonder why I'm asking. Anyway, she told told me that Carlo has a girlfriend (toink!) and that he wants to see me next time I'm home.

Well, it would be nice to see an old friend again and relive the past (I mean every bit of the past...including the baths and cuddling...hehehe)

Eating Alone

   

   The consultant told us to go back at 3pm for the consultation regarding our community diagnosis. It's just 12pm, but going home means spending most of my time traveling than resting because of all the traffic. I decided to eat lunch in a mall nearby and stay there while waiting for our consultation time. Whenever I dine alone, I always go to a Chinese restaurant which used to be Harry's favorite. Aside from being able to reminisce my moments with ex, it's in a hidden quarter of the mall with few people passing by. Therefore, there's a smaller audience of your pathetic isolation.

   One by one, the people in the restaurant  left as the clock strikes 1. As for me, I have to stay for 2 more hours. I was left alone, in a corner of the restaurant, watching the crew sweep and mop the floor. Then, a familiar lady came. We briefly exchanged glances and gave that I-know-you-you-know-me-let's-pretend-we-don't-know-each-other look. She is a consultant in another department. She also came alone and sat in a corner. As I observe her, I realized that I might be looking at myself years from now--- Successful, respected, but alone. Am I worried? No. Not actually. Why? My phone beeped.

"Hello Basti. How's your day? Dinner later?" It's from Johannes. Hmmm...I think, that alone part is still questionable. ;)

Well, I still don't know if there will be a "to be continued" link here. Just wait for that Johannes word to get "clickable".  hahaha.

photo from here

Christmas Greeting

It is the 25th of the month. For most people, the only significant event on the 25th of December is Christmas. For me and Harry, it used to be our monthsary. As I was going through my phonebook, sending personalized messages to my dearest friends, I came across his name. Dr. Harry Chan.
I promised him that I won't bother him again. But it's christmas. I guess that's an excuse. So I sent him a message. "Merry christmas harry!" A few minutes later he replied. "Merry christmas!" Then it seemed like my thumbs had a mind of their own. They began typing... "Glad you replied. Can't help but feel sad. It used to be merry christmas and happy monthsary. Anyway, I'm just starting to move on. I don't want to spoil your christmas. Enjoy your time with your family."
"Ok. Thanks," he replied
It was plain, straightforward and insincere. Harry still despises me. The Harry who used to put me in the center of his life now wants nothing but to put me out of his life.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I was the one who broke up with Harry. But I am the one who is still in pain. As I placed myself in his shoe, I realized where I went wrong.
Everytime I look back, I remember lots of sweet and happy memories. Those times he left me surprises whenever I wake up, the fancy dates in Manila's uptown districts, the macaroons he kept in his pocket to take home to me because he wanted me to have a taste of one of the best macaroons, the time he secretly placed the diaphragm of his stethoscope to my stethoscope because I lost mine and the cheesecake hunting we used to do.
If Harry does look back, what would he remember? The time I said that sometimes, I simply don't care, the moment when I ignored him when he was crying on the floor, the time I just kept on playing a computer game while he was doing everything just to get my attention, the monthsaries that I kept on forgetting, the guessing game that he was so excited about but instead, I chose to sleep or that turning point in our relationship when I asked him to wait for me but after raising his hopes, I turned him down again.
Now, I understand him better. He was right. I am a spineless wimp who keeps on hurting him again and again.
I told myself that I'm moving on. But everytime I see my future, I only see Harry by my side. The person sitting next to the driver's seat holding my hand when I drive. The guy I'm cooking christmas dinner with. The face that I first see in the morning whenever I wake up. That old man I'll grow old with.
So now, another confusion begins...

Idiot's Guide to Coming Out

Isabela texted me and asked for a favor. She needed help in finding a gift for her monito, or should I say... "monitey!" *jazz hands*.  She did not identify the person but she just described him as her gay blockmate in denial. I instantly knew that her monito is Jack. "It's Jack, right?" I asked her. "How did you know...Oh well, wala namang iba sa block namin," she replied.  

Well, Jack is utterly and overtly gay, but he just doesn't admit it...or he lacks insight of it? Everybody knows that he's gay but him. What kind of straight man craves for a facial when he's stressed, "I'm so toxic, I need some facial!" (Jack, 2012). (My naughty mind can't help but think of another kind of facial). BB cream? Ask details from him because he's a living proof of how it makes his skin blemish-free. And the walk...he could embarrass the sorority girls with his swinging hips. Yet, when he was in a comedy bar, he walked out when a gay comedian labeled him as "kalahi."

Then Isabela texted again.

Isabela: "So what should I give him? Our theme is something dangerous. I want something witty, worth 200 pesos" 

Basti: "Give him a box of condoms with holes punched out of it. It's dangerous, "

Isabela: "You're not the first person to suggest that, "

Basti: "How about a male prostitute?"

Isabela: "Are they that cheap today? Will they go for 200 pesos?"

Basti: "The cheaper, the more dangerous. They have a higher chance of harboring the virus....God! I can't believe you're really considering that. Baka mag walk-out nanaman yun."

Isabela: "So, ano nga?"

Basti: "How about a self-help book? Idiot's guide to coming out or Stepping out of the closet for dummies. Hehehe"

Isabela: "I guess, we need a copy of those too." 

Toink....A dose of your own medicine. 

photo from here